Sometimes our worthiness can take a bruising, and it can take some time to rebuild the trust and faith to believe we deserve the best possible outcome. Sometimes we forget that we can achieve our dreams. When we get knocked down, it is easier to think and play small, afraid that if we move boldly ahead we will get struck down again.
Recently something happened to me that knocked me off my feet in a big way. It was one of those knocks where, as soon as it happened, I wish I hadn’t take everything for granted before. Where it left me was a place of instability, fear and low self worth. Even though I knew and could recognise it for what it was, and that it was just my perspective, I knew I had to do some healing work before I could get back to where I was before.
We live in a world where it often feels like we have to pretend everything is fantastic. Like we have to ‘smile for the camera’ and cry when no-ones around. I grew up in a family that couldn’t have the confronting or hard conversations. As a child this often left me feeling like I had nobody to talk about the ‘real’ things with. Life was ‘great’ until something hurt me or someone I loved, and I didn’t have the emotional vocabulary to know what to say or do.
Luckily, as an adult (and with an extensive amount of self-help books under my belt) I can articulate the shadows and know what triggers me. I have learned that talking about the hard parts are the only way that I can move forward with life. Vulnerability really is power, and is needed for processing the hard times. Otherwise the energy sits with us (sometimes for life - and future lives!) and stops us from moving forward, or shows up in other areas in our lives.
This is what I have learned when the big knocks come along;
1) STRONGER: The one thing the hard times can’t take away from you, is making you stronger than before. Sure, it might feel like you have taken a step backward, but this new perspective means you can now move forward with more experience, knowledge, and understanding than before. You can help or talk to others going through the same thing, you can have greater empathy towards others on a similar journey, and you will do things differently now. You will make better, more informed decisions next time you’re in the same position, and you will end up somewhere completely different to where you were going before (bet you it will even be better).
2) SURRENDER: When you surrender to control, you let go of the expectation or struggle. Resistance to the process only causes pain and fear. The only control you ever have is in this moment, so just let go and let the process unfold in its due course. Enjoy this moment while you have it, because obsessing over the past or future is only going cause undue stress. The only time you really ever have is right now, so use it before the moment is gone.
3) TIMING: Whatever happens is divine, and timing is everything. Every encounter, struggle, upheaval, dismantle, breakdown and shitty situation is here to wake us up and go, ‘Hold on to the rollercoaster, we have another plan for you!’. Regardless of any pain or upheaval I have experienced, in hindsight it has always taken me to a better place than I could have ever imagined. Not necessarily an easier place, but a place where I feel stronger in who I am than I could have imagined before. The secret is being present and accepting the journey.
The universe always knows what is best for us, but that doesn’t make it any easier when the curveballs come at us. You have the power to control how you react. Use the time to get to know your shadows, talk to others and share your experience. Don’t feel like you need to save face - we inherited that from older generations. Own being human and let your guard down, you are loved for being you.